Fear

One of the most important lessons I've had to learn is that thinking and worrying about something too much is actually scarier than doing it. Sometimes you just have to decide to not think about it all and dive right in.

The first time I put this into practice was when I donated blood in high school. I had heard the horror stories of students fainting and I'd seen the bruises on people's arms. But I knew that I wanted to be a hero more than I was afraid of the needle. I had to consciously decide not to be afraid. And it worked! It hurt a bit when they punctured my arm, but not as much as it would have if I'd been scared out of my mind. I was so proud of myself and went on to donate as much as possible for the next few years. I've had to stop recently because of high platelets, but my doctor said I can restart in October!

I wish I could have a conversation with myself in the past, that I could tell myself not to quit things because they seem hard. Then again, if I hadn't quit before, I wouldn't be where I am now, and I'm so happy where I am. I was just thinking about how hard Sundays are on my paper route, but then I realized that when I take things one step at a time, it's really not that bad. Thinking about the whole (the whole Sunday, the whole week, the whole year, my whole life) makes peace of mind impossible. But little chunks are doable.

I guess none of this would make sense to anyone else, but I need to have it here to remind myself.