Longing

It never really goes away. You'll hear a song and suddenly the pain blooms in your chest just like the first time. The years that pass will help you heal, but they'll also illuminate your sorrow in new and different ways. You'll wonder what this event or that conversation would have been like, had things turned out differently. Would you have taken that job? Gone to that festival? Would you be having better experiences, or would you wish for the life you have now? You'll ask yourself these questions, knowing that there aren't answers. You'll mention how you feel to your friends, quietly in a whisper of doubt and self-loathing, and they'll stare back at you, not sure what to say. They can't understand, and you know that, so you try to keep those words bottled up. They tend to come out, though, in solitary moments, so you let your defenses down, open up your blog, hit compose, and start typing.