DSED #12: Advice to My Past Self

"Give advice to yourself in the past."

Oooh, boy. I've actually done something like this before, but it was way too depressing and melodramatic. So here we go again:

• If you're flying with Spirit airlines, take your time getting to the airport.
• Be more careful with your external hard drives.
• Having a job is actually pretty awesome. Stop being such a wussy.
• Let people take pictures of you. (No, really.)
• Always wait till morning to make important decisions. Or any decision, really.
• Don't admit anything until you know what evidence they have.
• Drink more water. No, more than that.
• Having a few close friends is nice, but you can be left alone before you know it. Keep in touch with lots of people so you'll always have a support group.
• Put your book down when you go on trips.
• Don't be so bitter. Life hurts, it's not anyone's fault.
• Just breathe!

DSED #11: A Precious Memory

Today's assignment was to throw away a precious memory. I'm kind of a hoarder and I have a shoebox filled with little trinkets that represents memories to me. I wrote this assignment as a kind of self-torture (because I'm masochistic like that) but I'm using it now as therapy. The memory I chose to throw away was this one:

The flowered crown was a prop I used in my Tribute to Aisling video that I made for Kiera Cass's first I Want Your Name contest. I made the video with my best friend at the time. We are no longer friends (to put the entire situation lightly) and I'm making every effort to move on without becoming an angry, bitter person. So here's to hoping that throwing this memory away will help me recover a little bit more.

The actual Tribute to Aisling video is too embarrassingly awful to share here, but I do have some bloopers that show the crown in action:

DSED #10: An Embarrassing Poem

It's been over a year since the last time I did a DSED assignment. It's taken that long for me to catch my breath after getting a seven-days-a-week job and starting college again and moving out for the first time. But things are slowing down (or I'm getting used to the faster pace) and I'm ready to start again!

Today's assignment is to post my most embarrassing poem on this blog. That's kind of difficult because at last count I have 318 poems in my "archive" (aka a private blog dedicated to recording all my poetry). And at least half of them are pretty darn embarrassing. So I picked one at random that I can't read without cringing.

It's titled "Kagome" and was part of a series of poems I wrote for the characters from InuYasha. See? I'm cringing already...

I feel so lost inside,

I'm fighting a battle that's already been won,

I want to go home and hide,

Why can't I be normal and just have fun?

Sometimes I wish I was ugly,

Then my choices wouldn't be so hard,

Not many guys would like me,

And I would be free to follow my heart.

But without my beauty and miko powers,

I wouldn't have InuYasha to love,

He's not romantic, and he never brings flowers,

But he shows he cares with a push and a shove.

I love him through all of his flaws,

Through all the good times and the bad,

Especially his ears and his claws,

And when he's not near I am sad.

Extreme Photography Goals for 2013-2014

I did a post like this for 2012 and ended up not completing any of the goals, but having them in place is nice anyway. And I'm determined to use this time in my life to turn my occasional hobby into a productive business, so here's to actually maybe achieving the goals this time!

• Do 50 paid photo shoots - I think this is a reasonable goal, considering that I have 17 months to complete it. That comes to about 3 paid shoots a month, which I need to aim for anyway if I'm going to have any hope of saving up enough money to get my CELTA.
• Do 3 photo shoots in one day - A year ago the thought of this excited me. I'm a little more wary now, but it would be a cool feat to have accomplished anyway.
• Buy Ikelite housing for my camera - I don't see how this is going to happen, what with living on my own and saving up for the CELTA and all. I've wanted underwater housing for so long that it's become kind of like the dream of having a horse: distant and unattainable in my present circumstances. Still, I'm putting it down in case I do figure out a way to make it happen.
• Develop the Eclaire Facebook fan page - I wanted to make this goal "get 1,000 followers" but I recently read that our goals should be phrased to put the responsibility on developing useful skills in ourselves and not on getting other people to do what we want. So my goal is to work hard on marketing and building a kind of community around my business.
• Get rid of all my business cards - Suzana bought me 100 business cards for my birthday. My goal is to give them all out by the end of 2014. And really, that shouldn't be that hard. If I was really aiming high, I would set the goal to give out 500 business cards or something like that.

Location, Location, Location

When I first heard the quote, "Every where you go, there you are," I was shocked and saddened. I had always thought that if I could just find the right place, I would suddenly transform into the perfect version of me. But I recognized the truth in the saying: your location doesn't change who you are. This had me in quite a slump for many years.

But after moving into my first apartment, I can honestly say that I was a little bit wrong. I'm still me, but where I am matters. While location can't change your habits, your personality, or your character, it CAN change your attitude, your outlook, and your motivations. Just a thought.

To Fly

I'm here, right now, standing with my toes hanging off the edge of childhood, ready to fling myself into the adult world with nothing but a prayer that I won't be dashed upon the rocks. Hoping that my wings will miraculously appear and save me. I'm terrified and thrilled and overwhelmed and at peace with it all. I feel so many things and have so many ideas rushing through my head that I couldn't possibly explain. I'm ready, like I never thought I would be. I can do it, I know I can.

I wish I could really believe that people cared for me. I wish I could find someone like me. I wish I could make art that people really appreciated, or be content to only make it for myself. I wish I did all the things I mean to.